Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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