Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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