you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
