matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
