We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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