He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
