in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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