wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
