We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
