I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize