Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
