He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
