im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
