Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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