you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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