Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
