I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
