Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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