are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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