you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
