When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize