Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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