oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
