i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
