He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
