I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
