my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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