He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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