Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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