My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
