It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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