Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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