I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
