we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
