genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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