He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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