So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
