New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
