Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
