9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
