I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
