Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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