You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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