Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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