Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
