I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
