You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
