Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
