you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize