i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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