can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
