Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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