rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
