xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
