In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You've changed since you got that strap on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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