Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
