I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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