my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
