We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize