every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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