I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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