Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
