CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
