There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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