She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize