I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
