Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
