Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
