There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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