Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
