If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
