All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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